The Femme Fagette

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If you are 18+ you should know this blog contains frank and explicit discussion of sex, sexuality, queerness, gender, BDSM, polyamory/non-monogamy, and whatever else strikes my fancy.

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I’m a genderqueer fat femme drag queen fagette and pomo queer intellisexual polyamorous switch. My gender expression usually comes out within a femme drag queen framework, but I do not believe in confining my gender to one category, or binary gender labels, and I am just as comfortable in my pinstripe suit and doc’s as I am in a dress and heels.

I have degrees in both Gender Studies and Psychology, both with an emphasis in sexuality. My further educational goals are to get a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

I am a writer, photographer, blogger, sex toy reviewer, and a sex-positive kink, queer, and sex educator. My spirituality comes in the form of sacred whoredom, scarlet womanhood, occultism, and magik. I am an astrologer and a practicing occultist, dabbling in multiple disciplines including sex magik, ceremonial magik, quabalah, and golden dawn, among others.

There are two central figures besides myself in this blog thus far: Onyx and Marla.

Onyx and I have known each other since the end of 2004 and have been together since July of 2005. He collared me November 19th, 2005 and I moved in with him August 26th, 2006. We were in a Male-Dominus/femme-submissive relationship until October of 2008, when we first switched. We then lived together as switches until November of 2009.

In March of 2009 Marla and I begun exploring our relationship long-distance and quickly became friends and lovers. We met face-to-face for the first time May 9th, 2009 and on July 5th, 2009 she moved across country to be with Onyx and myself. We three worked on becoming a polyfidelitous triad until November 2009 when everything imploded and we called it quits.

In January of 2010 Onyx and I spent New Year’s together and we reconnected. Now we are living together again in Seattle and giving everything another go. We have rediscovered each other not just as partners but also in the power roles we once worked so hard to set in place and we are now working on building our Male-Dominus/femme-submissive relationship again. We are both still switches, though we are more firmly in these power roles rather than switching together.

I consider myself to be a “lifestyle” switch, under the definition of lifestyle as someone to whom kink is an essential part of sexuality.

I discovered the term for my desires (BDSM) about ten years ago, and haven’t looked back since. I have always been into bdsm-type things but never had a name for it until I discovered a romance novel I was reading had some play-rape and bondage in it. Being the curious girl I was, I went online and looked up stuff like that. I didn’t discover BDSM until I was reading a story in the Non-Consent area of literotica which had multiple parts, and the third or so installment was in the BDSM section instead of the Non-Consent section. I then explored the BDSM section and was extremely intrigued. I’ve been exploring BDSM ever since.

I believe that bdsm is all relative, and anyone who believes they are doing it the “correct” or “proper” way obviously doesn’t understand that everyone is different, and what works for some people doesn’t work for others. The only correct way to do bdsm is what works for you and your partner(s).

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