Learning How to Follow

If you are under the age of 18 please click here to leave. If you are 18+ you should know this blog contains frank and explicit discussion of sex, sexuality, queerness, gender, BDSM, polyamory/non-monogamy, and whatever else strikes my fancy. Based on this information or my blog in general you may or may not want [...]

International Cane-A-Slut Day 2010

Tomorrow (or today for some of you–June 6th) is International Cane-A-Slut Day, pretty much purely because we have decreed it to be so. The idea was Onyx’s originally and it was supported by @Saynine, @Mindcryme, and myself. When reminded of it a few days ago I decided I would make a webpage, twitter account, and [...]

Want Perpetuates Want

ABY101209e by jvrsta There are times when I can’t escape from want. Want perpetuates want until all I can think of is taking or being taken. Lately it’s been the latter. The most mundane movements crackle with the electricity of my desire for it. With each moment want increases exponentially until it consumes my entire [...]

Doublethink Over Dissonance

Onyx and I have settled in to a remarkably comfortable D/s dynamic. We have talked extensively about it, but the difference this time is that it just clicks, for lack of a better term. All the background issues that were making so much noise the last time we were trying these power roles have been [...]

Structures and Differences

Onyx and I have had many conversations since Marla came into the mix, understandably so. Sometimes things like these happen at the times you least expect them to, but they usually come at the right times for your life. The universe decided that now was the time for us to get a third or someone [...]

Results of the Switching Test

After our switching attempt was almost over last weekend, Onyx and I talked about it and ended up extending our switch another week, until Sunday night, partially because both of us were enjoying it, and partially because we hadn’t really done too much, I was going a little too slow. I actually had a harder [...]

A Switching Test

Here is another identity that has come quite a long way in the last few months: Dominus and I have had issues with our relationship because of my newfound Domina identity, and especially with my lack of outlet for it. It’s difficult to embrace an identity when you have no one to explore it with, [...]

Recognition of a Switch

I recently changed my role on FetLife to switch. In some ways this is a minor change, I’ve called myself a “cuntpet who Tops on occasion” for quite a while, but these desires are moving from occasional to more frequent. As Master said when I mentioned that I was thinking about embracing this new identity: [...]

Power in Submission

The essay for my Queer Theory class… hopefully it’s somewhat coherent, I’m not quite sure if it is.

A man and woman go out to dinner at a restaurant. The woman opens the door for the man to enter the establishment, she pulls out the chair for him before he sits down, and when the waiter comes to take their orders, she orders for the both of them. In this situation, who is submissive? Is it the man, is he being lead and treated as a subordinate by his mistress? Or is it the woman, is she an adept submissive who is serving her owner by taking care of his needs?
A man and woman are in their bedroom, the woman is on her knees and receives a slap to her cheek, then a hand in her hair, gripping it and pulling it back tight. She is spit on as her face is made to look upward, and then slapped again. The man sits on the bed and drags her with him, tugging her across his knee to give her a spanking, not satisfied until her ass is a bright shade of red. She is screaming and struggling, but despite being physically capable of freeing herself, she does not for fear of repercussions. Is this scenario depicting abuse, or simply play?
Both of these scenarios show potential ambiguity within power exchange relationships, but in very different ways. The first demonstrates the diversity of what power exchange relationships can look like, the second is a more shocking representation of what play can look like, and how to an outside observer, it could appear to be abuse. The point of both of these is to show the diversity and fragility of what could or could not be consensual power play activities. There is not just one way to experience or practice relationships of this type.
Often when subjects such as sadomasochism, or BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadism/masochism), are explored relationships which break social norms are analyzed, such as gay or lesbian BDSM relationships, or heterosexual relationships in which the normative power structure is reversed: the female is dominant, the male is submissive. The paring which on the surface goes along with societal norms is sometimes dismissed as patriarchal because the male partner is dominant while the female partner is submissive. Despite what seems like a patriarchal situation, male-dominant/female-submissive relationships are built on both parties having equal power over the relationship, though unequal roles in power exchange scenarios.

Empowerment and Submission

A fast-write to help me with my paper, and to entertain you all, of course. How is it empowering to be a female submissive in a heterosexual relationship? That’s the question, really, and sometimes I’m not sure how to answer it. Although I feel empowered within my relationship, in many ways, it’s also a question [...]

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