So I, basically, shun the word “slave” as many of you may know, and yet I still use the term Master. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and the more I think about it the less I like the term “Master.” It implies some of the same things that “slave” does, only from the other end of it, my problem thus far as been the lack of a better term.
The terms Sir and Lord just are not that appealing to me either. I can appreciate the appeal, but I just don’t have a strong tie to either of them, so they don’t do much for me. While I can understand the desire for either, neither of them click with me, they don’t seem quite fitting. I hear Sir flung around like crazy online, and Lord just seems like a little much.
I like the term Owner, it’s a little more neutral than Master, though has similar connotations, not all of them bad, however. Owner is closer to what I want than Master is, but it’s still not quite right. It sounds strange to call someone Owner, such as “Owner just said something funny,” it doesn’t quite work the same way Master does, it just sounds a little funny.
I like the term Dominus as well, technically it means both Lord and Master, and doesn’t have all the same connotations as Master or even Owner does. I talked extensively about my use of the term Domina just last Sunday, and I feel similarly with the term Dominus, it’s regal and delicious. I left the post by asking about why people don’t use the term Dominus, and maybe I will begin to. The problem with Dominus is similar to Owner, “Dominus just said something funny,” sounds strange as well. Perhaps I just need to either shift my perspective on it, or choose one.
The biggest component of this, really, is how Master/Owner/Dominus feels about it. I haven’t really talked to him about it, but I plan on it. I like referring to him by a title, as he is the only one which I do call by a title. It takes a lot for me to call someone by a title, just as it takes a lot for me to say anything which I mean and which could make me in the least bit vulnerable. He is one of the few people that I have ever called Master, and possibly the last.
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[...] mused about some semantic issues I was having around my use of the term ‘Master’ and have since been using Dominus when referring to my Owner, mostly because I enjoy it more and he [...]
I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. In the beginning, I called him Master, but it always seemed forced and strange. Sir was equally weird for us, although I do say it once in a blue moon. This is my first d/s relationship, and prior to this, I’ve always called my s.o. “baby.” I called him that a few times, and he DEFINITELY didn’t like that!
I don’t know how it happened, but I slipped into calling him Daddy, and he really liked it. So did I, because that what he is to me – a protector, disciplinarian, unconditional lover. He usually called me babygirl outside the bedroom, slut in the bedroom.
I think people underestimate the comfort of finding that right “title.” To me, it was really important. Good like finding what works for you!
@Rori: I still call Master “Baby” sometimes, usually in public, but sometimes it slips out when we’re alone as well. Lucky for me he doesn’t mind it, but it does seem kind of odd sometimes, mostly when we’re alone as opposed to in public. I also use Dear and Sweetie and things like that, I rarely call him by his given name.
As for Daddy, I knew there was a term I was forgetting! I like the concept of Daddy Doms, but as I have called my father Daddy (usually Daddy-o, but still, similar) it feels a little weird for me, and I know Master feels a little weird about it as well. Though in many ways he is a Daddy Dom, it’s just not a term we’re comfortable using. (Personal preference, not meant to discourage your use, etc. I’m sure you know that, but I like to mention it ’cause I don’t want you feeling like I’m dissing your choice!)
I agree that titles are often underestimated, it goes along with my label fetish in some ways (a post I’m currently working on, and am planning on drawing that parallel as well!) when something is named or labeled or called the correct thing it can feel just right, and enhance the experience not only with whatever it is being named but also as a whole… if that makes sense.