What I Don’t Need

At some point before I’ve talked about relationship needs, that is the needs of the relationship, but in the last few months something that has been extremely important for me to realize has been a different sort of relationship need, that is, a lack of need.
When I was younger a relationship or, more accurately, the [...]

March 6th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Spiraling Forward

Well, I’m officially moving back to Seattle. I have a one-way ticket for March 17th.
This seemed like an impossibility at the end of November, the end of the triad, and part of me is surprised at the way things turned out, yet I’m also not surprised.
I still feel guilty for the way things ended, [...]

February 24th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Reflections and Refractions

Of all the pain and disaster of everything that has happened there have at least been some good things.
I have learned a lot, both about myself and about what I desire in another person. When forced to make a choice between Marla and Onyx I chose neither, and through that choice learned who was [...]

January 18th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Protected: More Honesty

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January 18th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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If I Was Really Honest with Myself…

…what would I say?
This question has been running through my head over and over since everything happened in November. I’m still processing everything, but life must go on in the meantime as much as I want to pause it and analyze and figure things out before continuing I, unfortunately, do not have the ability [...]

January 8th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Rediscoveries

Now that I am somewhat outside of the relationships that have consumed me and took over my life for the last eight or so months I find myself getting more in touch with my needs. I am glad to have so much alone time and time to focus on me as me rather than [...]

January 5th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Rights and Responsibilities

I had never broken up with someone before, but now I’ve essentially had to do it twice in the span of a week or so. I feel like I don’t have the right to mourn or be sad because I was the one who said it’s over. In reality I know that is [...]

December 11th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Coming Out

I’ve never really had to come out before. Until I met Onyx I was heavily involved in queer activism, which isn’t to say there aren’t straight queer activists because there are, but people assumed I was queer instead of the other way around. I had to come out as in a relationship with [...]

October 14th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
2 Comments

Cut Glass, Carelessly Handled

I’m highly surprised at how little I’ve been writing on here lately. I have so many drafts in the works but so little desire to finish them most of the time. I’m still feeling similar to what I wrote about in my disconnected post, and I just got a temp job (hoping it [...]

September 15th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
2 Comments

Desire for One

I have abandonment issues. Though, really, doesn’t everyone to one extent or another? I think this is one of the biggest issues with poly for me, specifically moving from a V type relationship to a triad, I’m worried that my partners will find something they like in each other better than they like [...]

August 21st, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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