Cross-posted on The Femme’s Guide here.

Femme–an identity that has caused controversy, celebration and ridicule–is now the topic of a two-volume set from Homofactus Press and editor Jennifer Clare Burke titled Visible: A Femmethology. Femmethology calls the LGBTQI community on its own prejudice and celebrates the diversity of individual femmes. Award-winning authors, spoken-word artists, and totally new voices come together to challenge conventional ideas of how disability, class, nationality, race, aesthetics, sexual orientation, gender identity and body type intersect with each contributor’s concrete notion of femmedom. - from femmethology.com

This month of April marks something I’ve been waiting for quite some time: the Femmethology virtual blog tour! Today is lucky enough to be my day, and so I’m sharing some of my feelings and insights related to the Femmethology. Visit Daphne Gottlieb tomorrow for her day, and all the sites at the bottom of the post on their days.

First, a little about the Femmethology:
Visible: A Femmethology

Femmethology is essential—a roadmap of Femme Nation, an index, an anthropology, a manifesto, and a googleology. - Dorothy Allison

Visible: a Femmethology is a two-volume anthology of essays revolving around femme identity.

I’ve been discovering and embracing my multigendered identity lately, but in that multigendered identity there is a solidly femme identity as well, which these books helped me remember.

Not that I had forgotten my femme identity, I just had been focusing more consciously on my fagette identity than my femme because it was new and in a way easier to focus on because it’s more visible (though only slightly). The identities in no way are opposites, they are complimentary, but they are also different. Reading through the Femmethology in a way re-connected me with my femme identity.

The biggest benefit of the Femmethology, in my opinion, is that it helps remind us that we are not alone as femmes. While some of us have many femme friends and a wonderful support system the rest of us do not and we have to navigate the world without much reassurance and reminders that there are so many of us out there feeling the same things. This is one of the reasons I started The Femme’s Guide in the first place, to emphasize that there are many of us out there, and while we’re all different we are also all the same.

I was moved many times throughout the two volumes. There were authors I knew well or moderately well, from various avenues such as Sinclair Sexsmith, Sassafras Lowrey, and Tara Hardy. There were many other authors that I didn’t know anything about, but I was able to get to know something about them through their stories.

Many stories touched me to the core, rocked me, and left me dazed and contemplating my own stories and my own identities.

I feel that Visible: A Femmethology is not just a book or anthology meant to be read, though it certainly is that as well, it’s also a look into each of these femme’s lives and voices, an adventure into different types of femme-ininity and different experiences that all somehow are similar because of this identity we all embrace and inhabit. It shows the vastness of femme while also showing what unites us.

It screamed “you are not alone” to me right when I needed it.

From the Introduction to the anthology: “Femme means I won’t compromise on complexity. … Above all, my femme is not your femme, which is the good news. … Femme means my sexuality, my partner choices, my definitions and my gender presentation might not match your labels.”

You can order Volume 1 and Volume 2 through the fabulous Homofactus Press.

You can also hear Sinclair Sexsmith reading his Love Letter to Femmes!

Check out the blogs below on the associated dates to learn more about the Femmethology volumes:
4/1. Sugarbutch Chronicles
4/2. Ellie Lumpesse
4/3. Queer-o-mat
4/4. CyDy Blog
4/6. Catalina Loves
4/7. cross-post: The Femme’s Guide and Femme Fagette
4/8. Daphne Gottlieb
4/9. Bilerico Project
4/10. Screaming Lemur: Femme-inism and Other Things
4/13. The Femme Hinterland
4/14. Bochinche Bilingüe: Borderlands Writing and The Vagina Adventures
4/15. Dorothy Surrenders
4/16. Miss Avarice Speaks Her Mind
4/17. The Femme Show
4/19. Sexuality Happens
4/20. Queer Fat Femme
4/21. Sublimefemme Unbound
4/22. Tina-cious.com and Jess I Am (butch-femme couple day!)
4/23. FemmeIsMyGender
4/24. The Lesbian Lifestyle
4/25. Femme Fluff
4/26. Weldable Cookies
4/27. The Verbosery
4/28. A Consuming Desire and Creative Xicana
4/29. Queercents
4/30. en|Gender

Technorati Tags: Books, butch, commUNITY, femme, femmeinism, gender fluidity, genders, identities, queer, sexualities, sexuality

Possibly related posts:

• Identity Musings - Part 2 (3)
• Identity Musings - Part 1 (4)
• The Importance of Identity Politics and How They Have Shaped the Queer Rights Movement (0)
• The Paradox of Femme-ininity As Transgender Identity (0)
• Rolling Around My Brain (8)
• Identity Musings - Part 3 (5)
• Finding Harmony in My Gender Fluidity (7)
• Examination of Two Queered Genders (1)
• Cisgender and Getting Rid of a “Safety Blanket” (4)
• Poly and My Gender Crisis (2)

My reviewing structure, as outlined in this post is that I post full reviews on my review site Wanton Lotus (RSS) and teaser reviews once a week here. I posting reviews on Wanton Lotus Tues-Weds-Thurs or some combination thereof depending on the amount of reviews I have each week. Fridays are supposed to be my promotion day on here (though I’m a little late this week), so here is the round-up of my reviews for the week!

Regard Indiscret Set Profile

Name: Regard Indiscret Set

Manufacturer: Bijoux Indiscrets

Contents: Black round hat tin containing black leather tasseled pasties, black feather boa, pearl belt/necklace, and three small round candles.

Rating: 5/5

Watch my video review of the Regard Indiscret Set here!

This is also the set featured in my Black Burlesque HNT this week, so I know you’ve been told this already, but I am giving away a set to one lucky commenter! Find out how here. Comment to win!

Melon Crank Dildo Profile

Name: “Melon Crank” Glass Dildo

Material: Glass

Manufacturer: Don Wands

Height: 6 inches from handle to tip, about 4 1/2″ insertable.
Thickness: 1 inch shaft, 1 1/2 inch head

Rating: 5/5

Watch my video review of the Melon Crank Glass Dildo!

Best Lesbian Erotica 08 Excerpt

…One reason why I’ve loved the Best Lesbian Erotica series for years is because the stories are always fresh and unique, exposing me to something new in each one…

The theme of Best Lesbian Erotica 08 is transgression. Tristan Taormino describes it in her foreword as not just the transgression that occurs when one comes out as queer and tells their own story, but a transgression beyond what is “normal,” expected, and acceptable. Each story keeps you on your toes, delivering “erotic surprises” (according to the back of the book) and taking you to new heights of depravity and delicious transgression…

Read the entirety of my review of Best Lesbian Erotica 08

Technorati Tags: adult product reviews, Books, dildos, glass toys, links, pin-ups, projects, sexualities, sexuality, wantonlotus

Possibly related posts:

• Reviews: Four S’ (0)
• Visible: A Femmethology - Virtual Tour Day (1)
• Toy Reviewing Changes (7)
• Top Sexy Bloggers (2)
• The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast (Kinkcast?) (0)
• Terms Don’t Dictate a Relationship (0)
• Size & Sexuality Study - Nadia West (2)
• Size & Sexuality Study - E (3)
• Rolling Around My Brain (8)
• Reviews: Liberator, Organic Lube, and Fun Factory (0)

Despite absolutely loving rope bondage I really have only owned one bondage book before now, The Erotic Bondage Handbook, which isn’t exactly for beginners. It has great information within it, but assumes you know knots and ties already, unlike Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes. Two Knotty Boys is a rope bondage instruction manual that is wonderful for beginners because it not only explains how to do different knots which you may or may not already know, and 37 different ties, but it also has pictures with captions detailing each knot and tie so that you can follow along easily.

I had absolutely no trouble in following the step-by-step instructions in Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes. It is extremely helpful for the visual learner, since it’s easy to duplicate what you see in the images.

The book is separated into six basic sections: Introduction, The Knots, Basic Bondage, Decorative Bondage, Dominance Bondage, and Sex Bondage. The introduction gives you some basic ideas about rope bondage safety and different types of rope so that you are fully aware of the tools you need and how to be safe before engaging in the techniques described in the later sections.

The Knots goes over a number of basic knots and weaves as well as more complex ones like the trinity (celtic) knot. I thought I would have trouble with some of them, but most of them were easy to duplicate on the first or second try due to the picture guides.

Basic Bondage includes a few basic restraints, a rope spreader bar (they call “basic wrap”), rope shackle, anke wrap, a harness, and a gorgeous “dragonfly sleeve” which is kind of like rope armbinders (though prettier). They are all, pretty much, exactly as it says: basic. These are ties that don’t really require huge amounts of experience or talent to pull off, they are simple and easy to follow, as is evidenced by the basic wrap I put on Onyx (see picture). However, just because they are basic doesn’t mean they are not pretty on the eye or useful.

Decorative Bondage is, well, filled with exactly that: bondage that is more for show than for functionality. It includes a corset, gauntlets (on the model on the front of the book), bra, panties, “good luck knot” harness (which is based around the “good luck knot” which is a five-sided knot–it is also on the model on the front of the book), and a bodysuit. Each compliments the wearer well, and while they are slightly more difficult than the basic bondage section they are also fairly easy once you get the knot techniques down. I made the panty which consists of a trinity knot (the celtic knot I mentioned earlier) and snake weave. It was very easy to make once I had the knot and weave down.

Dominance Bondage is more the type of bondage that we think of when wanting to tie someone up. It’s functional bondage that’s more intricate than the basic bondage but that can turn our willing victims into helpless slaves (or subs or bottoms as the case may be). It consists of three harnesses that don’t just decorate the body they also capture the wrists behind the back or neck, a hogtie, a bit gag, a bridle, and a “rope cage” which traps the body in a sort of rope bodysuit.

Sex Bondage is, well, exactly that. While there is a bit of overlap in Dominance Bondage and Sex Bondage, as much of Dominance Bondage could be used during sex, Sex Bondage focuses on affixing items to the rope wearer. It has a table top tie, two chair ties (kneeling facing the back of the chair, and sitting in the chair), and a rope strap-on harness. Each of these leave the wearer ready for sex, either open and unable to escape or with a new sex toy attached to fuck with.

All the ties are easy to do once you practice the knots a bit and with a willing and patient partner. I’ve only done a small amount of the ties that I hope and plan on doing, both on myself and on Onyx, but I feel more knowledgeable after reading through Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes than I was before, and possibly ready to take on the first bondage book I bought after getting these basics down.

The best part about Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes is that it is so accessible and easy beginners with little to no rope technique knowledge can pick it up and start rigging instantly. It makes fancy-looking ties and harnesses seem like a breeze to do. I would imagine it would be a great staple for intermediate or advanced riggers to have around the house as well, as it is much easier to follow than a text-only book.

With the holidays coming up, as well, it can make the perfect gift! You can get it for a loved one (or fuck buddy) as a hint that you would like to be tied up or tie them up. Or, if you know someone interested in rope bondage that hasn’t really given it a try it is the perfect book for them as well! As a gift or for yourself Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes is a wonderful book with useful ties for all.

Technorati Tags: bdsm books, bibliophilia, SexToy.Com

Possibly related posts:

• The Leather Daddy and the Femme (13)
• The (Leather Daddy and the Femme) Bibliophile HNT (4)
• Sex Toys and Videotape (3)
• Reviews: Four S’ (0)
• Reviews: Black, Pink, and Silver (1)
• Review: Red Pleasure Wand (2)
• Review: PoMoSexuals- Challenging Assumptions about Gender and Sexuality (5)
• Review: Gigi by LELO (2)
• Review: Finger Sleeve with Vibrating Bullet (19)
• Review: Boy Butter Lube (16)

PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality is an anthology of essays edited by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel that is essentially a smack in the face to traditional and even some non-traditional ideas of gender and sexuality. It refutes any idea of any sort of binary along either of those lines.

Through reading the essays the reader gets multiple examples of people who don’t fit into the neat little boxes that both queer and het society tries to push them into. Because there are so many, one right after the other, each building on the next and each becoming more strange, more queer, more PoMo than the last, there is no way to deny that these people are not just flukes.

For me, I found some soulmates in this book. I found people struggling with the same ideas I do and asking the same questions I’ve been asking for years: where do I fit in if I’m sort of this and sort of that and everything and nothing? How do I navigate these gender and sexuality galaxies if I can’t pin myself down and comprehend where everything in me is coming from?

The essays in some cases are roads of self-discovery, showing just a glimpse of what one goes through when one box is not an option, and what is possible when you embrace not fitting in. Other essays were dissecting specific ideas or impulses that the authors had which were somehow out of their comfort zone, such as a gay man wanting to fuck a woman, how males and females can interact outside of a heterosexual paradigm, how a female can be a woman stuck in a man’s body, and various other pomo genders and sexualities.

If you’ve ever not fit into the boxes the world gives us, which is just about everyone in my experience, I would say you need to read this book. Even if you don’t identify directly with those in the stories it will blow your mind and make you reorganize your thinking about the way that gender and sexuality work. It will help you recognize that you are not alone, there are others like you who can’t fit into the boxes.

Even if you know that already, because I certainly did know that there were others who feel like I do going into it, you will still get a sense of camaraderie of validation that while you are unique in your own gender and sexuality expression there may be others who are just as or more fucked up than you are. And I mean fucked up in a good way, of course. ;)

Technorati Tags: anthologies, bibliophilia, gender fluidity, genders, pomo, pomosexuals, sexualities, sexuality

Possibly related posts:

• Rolling Around My Brain (8)
• Identity Musings - Part 3 (5)
• Visible: A Femmethology - Virtual Tour Day (1)
• The Leather Daddy and the Femme (13)
• Kinky vs. Queer vs. Straight Sex (22)
• Identity Musings - Part 2 (3)
• Identity Musings - Part 1 (4)
• The Paradox of Femme-ininity As Transgender Identity (0)
• The Importance of Identity Politics and How They Have Shaped the Queer Rights Movement (0)
• Socializing and Me (12)

How do I start a review of a book which speaks to me in such personal and intimate ways, beyond being about sex? How do I begin to describe the ways this book has clicked with me? I guess by answering those questions.

The brilliance of the book is that it delves into theory while still having an element of smut in it, mixing the two together in a true Carol Queen-esque way, because in some ways it’s impossible to seperate the smut from the theory and the theory from the smut. The first book I read of Carol Queen’s was Real Live Nude Girl back nearly four years ago when I was still living in Oregon.

I fell in love with her then, realizing how similar we were, wanting to become like her, to explore my own sexuality and look at it through the lens of theory. She was my inspiration for nearly all that I do now, and all I’m working toward including San Francisco and The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

I found Leather Daddy and the Femme by Carol Queen to be not only wonderful hot get-your-genitals-stirring smut but also an interesting look at gender identities and identity politics. It starts off with the meeting of Miranda/Randy and Jack, then follows their relationship as it progresses, adding in a third partner, Demetrius, and playing with others as well. It is a wonderful queer genderfucking depiction of a gay leather daddy and his boy/femme and the creation of a family.

I found that the identities and relationships within The Leather Daddy and the Femme were some of the closest depictions to what I consider perfect. This wouldn’t be true for everyone, of course, not everyone would have such a personal reaction to the book, dreaming of being in an open and poly-committed relationship or having two different but equal genders that are easy to step into. I found myself identifying in some way with all of the characters and realizing that my dream situation is one very similar to what Jack, Miranda, and Demetrius have, with slight modifications of course.

In some ways the situation in the book is similar to my own, it emphasizes that queerness isn’t restricted to same sex relationships, that there are more ways for males and females to interact sexually and romantically than within a heterosexual model. Something I’ve thought was true for years, but that is difficult for me to describe.

The biggest thing that Leather Daddy and the Femme did for me, I think, was make me think about my own identity, my own desire for a chosen family (as opposed to born family), my desire for multiple lovers, for queer sex, for my own embracing of my multigendered self. It opened me up to looking at my own gender and sexual identity paths, how I got here and where I want to go from here. Oh, and it also made me wet.

I could probably go on for pages about exactly how it touched me, about what part of which characters I would like to inhabit, what I have thought of due to the book, how it has changed my perceptions and desires… but those things are all for posts previous and to come. Instead, I’d love if you have read it for you to give your reaction to the book in the comments.

Technorati Tags: bdsm books, bibliophilia, boi, femme, genders, relationships, sexualities, sexuality, the leather daddy and the femme

Possibly related posts:

• Examination of Two Queered Genders (1)
• Visible: A Femmethology - Virtual Tour Day (1)
• The Paradox of Femme-ininity As Transgender Identity (0)
• The Importance of Identity Politics and How They Have Shaped the Queer Rights Movement (0)
• Socializing and Me (12)
• Semantics Sunday: Fagette (1)
• Rolling Around My Brain (8)
• Review: PoMoSexuals- Challenging Assumptions about Gender and Sexuality (5)
• Queering Onyx (2)
• Kinky vs. Queer vs. Straight Sex (22)