Rolling Around My Brain

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If you are 18+ you should know this blog contains frank and explicit discussion of sex, sexuality, queerness, gender, BDSM, polyamory/non-monogamy, and whatever else strikes my fancy.

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A few quick thoughts tonight. I feel like I have so much to write about and so much to do lately that I’m not really getting anything done, which irritates me. More posts to come!

I’ve been thinking a lot about this quote lately, from PoMoSexuals “Identity Sedition and Pornography” by Pat Califia p. 88 emphasis mine:

Just to set the record straight: I am a female-bodied person who writes about every kind of person I can imagine. Although I briefly contemplated sex reassignment when I was much younger, I decided that would not resolve my gender conflicts. I’m never sure if I have a gender dysphoria or species dysphoria. I often try to explain that I’m really a starfish trapped in a human body and I’m very new to your planet. Or that in fact I am a woman trapped in a man’s body, which really confuses other people but makes sense to me.

It’s fitting where I feel I fit, where I’ve felt for a while. The drag queen masculine femininity that I cling to, the femme fagette in me that is starting to come out even more. I’ve found a better way to express it lately I think, which is making me indescribably joyful, and I’m discovering more about it too, which makes me even more happy.

Onyx and I went into Babeland tonight and looked around. I pointed out toys I wanted, toys that are (hopefully) coming to me soon, and things like that. I had my first encounter with Mr. Bendy while looking at dildos and soft packs and he’s seriously lustable! I kind of (very much) want one, great for packing and playing, which I like.

I’m toying with the idea of packing more often, but as I primarily wear skirts and dresses I would need a soft pack or a cock like Mr. Bendy that will stay bent.

The other thoughts rolling around my brain is that Femmeinist Fucktoy isn’t resonating with me as much as it used to. It went down when I discovered my switchness however long ago, as fucktoy is a very bottom-centric term, and it’s gone down again now that fagette is a larger part of my identity as well.

I also don’t talk as much about feminist-oriented things as I thought I would when I started this blog. Granted, I do believe that talking about gender and sexuality is a feminist act, but that’s not quite the same as being a feminist blog.

My point in bringing this up is that I’m pondering changing the name, and therefore also the URL of the blog. It’s easyish to transition to another URL and name, but what I’m thinking of changing it to is Femme Fagette.

In talking with Onyx about this he mentioned that naming the blog after an identity might not be the best thing to do, as my identities tend to fluctuate rapidly. While I agree with that I feel like this identity will stay around for a while, but I don’t really know that for sure. Thoughts?

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January 28th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Size & Sexuality Study – Dee

heart-hnt-02
Curvaceous Dee herself, courtesy of Curvaceous Dee

This is the third of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here.

Read the first: Size & Sexuality Study – luna[KM]
Read the second: Size & Sexuality Study – icecoldbath
Read the third: Size & Sexuality Study – Nadia West

Dee is a 31 year old pansexual cis-female who is civilly unioned and with multiple partners. To many she is known via her blog as Curvaceous Dee.

What size is your body?
In New Zealand sizing I’m a 26 or XXXL. I think that in US sizing that’s a 22 or 24. My shape is more hour-glass than apple or pear – I have boobs and arse and thighs and belly, with a comparatively small waist. While I’m big, I’m big all over! I also weigh more than I appear to (I weigh over 140kg/300lb), and wear dress sizes larger than most people realise.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I love my body, and my body size and shape. I’m very comfortable with how I look and how I feel.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
13 years ago I was much slimmer, and my size increased over a 2 year period. I spent four or five years unhappy with the changes and wanting to be slimmer again. It took me time to realise that a) this is my natural body shape (becoming vegetarian didn’t reduce it; exercising less thanks to migraines didn’t increase it), b) I’m not unhealthy at this size, and c) I look and feel great just the way I am! I’m fat, I’m sexy, and I’m damned happy that way.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Very!

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I’ve always been quite experimental. However, in the past eight or so years I’ve gone from identifying as heterosexual, to bicurious, to bisexual, and finally to pansexual. At the same time I moved from (mostly failed) monogamous relationships to (mostly successful) polyamorous ones; and also discovered my submissive desires.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
Very – and participating in Half-Nekkid Thursday over the past year and increased my comfortableness even more.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Society in general? Fat and sexy seems anathema the majority of the time. However I’ve had nothing but positive feedback from partners over the past eight years; nothing but positive comments on my blog (and there’s been a lot of my body shown); and nothing but positive – or at least non-negative – responses from my local kink community.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
The main link is that as I became more comfortable with myself – my body, my attractions, my desires – I became happier in my relationships.

Anything else you would like to add?
These are fascinating questions, and I’m very curious to see what other have to say. And that FAT IS SEXY – especially mine :)

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January 27th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Pleasurists #13


Image by Eric Traore

This week’s Pleasurists is seriously HUGE. It’s because I took the week off last week due to moving (which was wonderful, considering we only got internet at home today. Since there was no Pleasurists last week the one this week has two weeks worth of reviews in it, thus it’s about double the size. I say “about” because we’re getting new reviewers submitting every week too, which is awesome, in my opinion.

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #12? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #14? Submit it here before Sunday February 1st at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

  • Swag Contest: Isis! Deadline: Wednesday January 28th at 11:59pm.
  • 4th Blog-iversary Trivia Contest Deadline: January 31st at 11:59pm.
  • Win a Hot New Sex Toy! Deadline: February 1st.
  • The Cherries are Sexy Valentine’s Day Giveaway! Deadline: Valentine’s Day, February 14th, 2009.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Maui Silicone Anal Beads by Kyle

  • The words “anal beads” cause my internal 14 year old boy to giggle nervously and worry about the potential tenting in his jeans. My slightly more mature self smiles appreciatively with no less potential for tenting. I’m a fan of buttsex…

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

(more…)

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Organization: Pleasurists Lables: ,

January 26th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Review: 1/4×20in Red Acrylic Cane

One thing I’ve noticed, too, that I forgot to mention is that a lot of people shy away from canes because they can be very wicked. The nice thing about canes is that they can produce a range of sensation, they don’t have to just be used for hard blows. I mentioned the range of sensation a bit regarding the diameter differences, but also depending on where and how hard they are used the sensation can range from light to horrible.

While many people think they don’t like canes, I challenge anyone who enjoys pain play and/or impact play to try them (since they are so darned cheap too) and play around with the sensations and intensity of the toy. I believe most people would enjoy them if they just played around with them a bit.

Find the 1/4×20in Red Acrylic Cane (also in black, purple, blue, or green) along with other BDSM and Fetish Toys and sex toys of every flavor on SexToy.Com.

Also mentioned:
3/8×30in Red Acrylic Cane which also comes in black, purple, blue, or green (you can read my review here.)
3/8×24in Red Acrylic Cane also in black, purple, blue, and green

Much thanks to SexToy.Com for letting me review the 1/4×20in Red Acrylic Cane!

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January 25th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Uncovering Flesh to Find Truth

femmefagette

I feel like I’m discovering a part of myself I buried away, and mostly just because of a different environment. When just about everything around me is changing I feel the most at home. I thrive on change, as I am always in a constant state of change.

I dressed up last night with my hair in a fauxhawk, in lipstick, a bettie page shirt, and purple pants. To that I added a thick purple feather boa (pic above), and I felt come into myself. My newly cut hair makes me smile when I look at my face. I look like me again.

I was trying to be someone else for a while, someone I thought I wanted to be, or someone I thought Onyx wanted, or someone I thought could be, I’m not sure. I look at pictures of me with long hair and I don’t look right. I look like someone else.

Hair cuts can do that. They have power like that. They can change the way a person looks completely, be subtle or drastic, help mold a new identity. I look in the mirror and I wonder how I tried to be anything else.

This isn’t really a new identity. It’s one I’ve been talking about and theorizing for a while, but I needed a change of location to find it, a change of scenery. I’m still everything I’ve ever been and everything I will be, I just look a little different.

I’m finding the perfect way to meld my sway and shimmy with my swagger, and it’s fun.

I’m in such constant change that this doesn’t feel like change, just discovery. By which I mean, I don’t ever feel like I as a whole changes or my core changes, that always stays the same, but everything else changes, which is lots.

I’ve been waiting for something to kick-start me into discovering these new changes. Seattle is just that.

I felt so stagnant and helpless before we moved, and like I couldn’t affect anything since I had no control over when we moved. Ultimately it was Onyx who decided we should move and made it happen, even though I had been telling him we didn’t have to wait and could do it if we decided to. I’d been saying that for months, and it took him realizing that to make it happen.

Now I’m realizing the possibilities of this city. The possibility of being able to embrace a the side of myself I have been rejecting is overwhelming. I’ve already started introducing myself as Scarlet instead of my given name and I love it.

I can be me here, and that’s what’s most exciting.

I feel especially blessed that I have a partner who is willing and eager to share it with me. Someone who is supportive and excited to watch as I discover and change and progress and who finds me sexy and attractive regardless.

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January 24th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Review: Tantus G-Force Wand

It’s no secret that some of my favorite toys are made out of silicone. Silicone toys are phthalate-free and non-porous, so are easy to clean, and they can be boiled or stuck in the dishwasher (without soap) to be completely sterilized. What else could you ask from a toy material?

The Tantus G-force Wand is made out of 100% ultra-premium medical-grade platinum silicone, which also means it’s hypoallergenic. Plus it’s a gorgeous plum color and they also have it in pink. Tantus toys are some of the best silicone toys around, with unique and intelligent designs made to hit all the right places, and the G-force Wand is no exception.

The Tantus G-force Wand is about eleven inches if you take the curve into consideration, with about three inches of handle and eight inches of insertable goodness. The handle has somewhat of a matte finish as well as swirly ridges around it so it is easy to grip and keep a hold of even if you get lube on the handle.

It has a thick bulbous head on the insertable end and a nice curve to the slightly bendable silicone shaft, both of which combine to make the G-force Wand a fantastic g-spotter toy, which is definitely the intention of it (hence the G- part of it’s name). I found it absolutely perfect for solo g-spot play.

Personally, I love hard fast penetration, but being a big girl it’s especially difficult to give myself that fucking with dildos since in order to do so I’d have to contort myself into positions and get my arm at just the right angle, and it’s just generally too much work. However, with the G-force Wand it’s long enough I can be comfortably on my back while thrusting it in and out, hitting the g-spot, and even using a vibe on my clit with the other hand. It’s positively heavenly!

The next test was to see if I could use it anally, and it was wonderful for that as well! It was easy to use, basically in the same position as I was using it vaginally. I didn’t find it very good for solo play while on my stomach, only because I wasn’t able to get a good angle with it so it didn’t quite work. However, using it vaginally or anally while on my back combined with a vibe on my clit is absolutely fantastic!

Not only is it great for solo play, as I’ve mentioned, but it’s great for partner play as well. Onyx and I have played with it together, both in him and me (since it’s silicone it can be fully sterilized and shared between partners), and both of us love it. I love how easy the handle makes thrusting it in, and since it’s long and easy to grip it’s just generally easy to use on a partner as well, including while doing other things.

Overall the G-force Wand really has become one of my favorite dildos. There are others that rank higher, but mostly just because they are harness-compatible, and the G-force Wand, of course, is not. However, it is both well made and well designed. If you’re looking for a silicone g-spot toy I highly recommend getting the G-force Wand, for solo or partner play (though especially for solo).

A big huge thank you to Tabu Toys for sending me the Tantus G-force Wand, and for being so patient with me since I took WAY longer to review this than I thought due to moving!

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January 23rd, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Femme Fagette (HNT)

Yes, yes, it’s not Thursday anymore, but, I don’t subscribe to your limiting ideas of the days it’s acceptable to post a Half Nekkid Thursday post, so I’m posting mine on Friday! Plus, I’ve been moving and I wasn’t really online much at all yesterday, so cut me some slack!

Okay, well, now that that’s out of the way… I’m not sure what possessed me, maybe it’s just being in a new city and thirsting for change of any type that I can get my hands on, or maybe it’s just time that I let my long hair go, I’m not sure, but I cut my hair the other day.

I’ve been changing it a lot lately, as you may or may not have noticed. Not too long ago it was bright red and past my shoulders, and when I wasn’t finding any jobs in SLC I decided to get it to a slightly more normal color.

Shortly after that I decided to cut it to a little above my chin, which is where it remained until Tuesday night when I cut it myself, and then Wednesday I had it professionally trimmed/styled.

It’s been shorter than this before (amusingly enough that picture was also taken in Seattle). I’ve shaved my head before as well, and I used kept it about this length, or anywhere from one to three inches, for many years. A few years ago I decided to start growing it out, and watched it fall to chin-length, shoulder-length, and, finally, past my shoulders.

Maybe it’s something about the Pacific Northwest that makes me want short hair, I don’t know, but something made me desire short hair, and specifically to be able to do my hair up into a fauxhawk.

I wanted a cut that I could have look femme if I chose or put up in a fauxhawk or otherwise spike or slick to be boi-ish or fagette-ish. So that’s what I did. I decided that fauxhawk + lipstick = fagette (though that’s one of infinite combinations, of course).

Femme
hnt19a   hnt19b

Fagette
hnt19c   hnt19d

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January 22nd, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Whirlwind

If you follow me on twitter you already know this, but, I have officially moved to Seattle.

The last couple weeks have been crazyinsane trying to get everything together for moving and such. It’s been wonderful, but busy busy busy. Exciting but stressful. But more than worth it.

The apartment we have is about four blocks from Babeland Seattle, which was accidental but wonderful! We are going to an event there on the 31st, a rope bondage class taught by Midori! I’m pretty excited about it.

We got here Saturday afternoon, after driving most of the day Friday and the morning of Saturday. We had food, unpacked, and then said goodbye to our neighbormates who drove with us up here. We wanted them to stay the night, but they wanted to get over the pass before nightfall. We’re comforted by the fact that they will come back, and then we’ll know where to take them.

We’ve mostly been exploring our new neighborhood for the last couple days, getting acquainted and used to the area. We are basically right in the middle of everything! Right in between downtown and capitol hill, a very perfect location.

There are so many other things to say, but I need to get some sleep so I can wake up early to watch Obama’s inauguration!!!

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Organization: Introspection Lables: , , ,

January 19th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Size & Sexuality Study – Nadia West

adipositivity220
Number 156 from The Adipositivity Project

This is the third of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here.

Read the first: Size & Sexuality Study – luna[KM]
Read the second: Size & Sexuality Study – icecoldbath

Nadia West is a mid 30s relatively femme woman who is bisexual and polyamorous with two men currently. She blogs at Diary of a Kinky Librarian and also twitters as Nadia West.

What size is your body?
women’s size 18, taller than average, chubby

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
There seems to be two levels of how I look at my body – on one level, I feel fat and I know that socially I’m not considered attractive body-wise. I also should be healthier and in better shape. But on the other level I have no problem being naked at sex parties and whatnot – I’m really comfortable with my body in those situations. I think sexiness isn’t necessarily tied to what your body looks like.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
I’ve gotten generally more comfortable with it. I rarely get down on myself for being overweight like I used to – I figure I need to either accept it or do something about it. Feeling bad about myself won’t change things.

How important is sexuality to your life?
VERY!

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I keep getting more and more comfortable with my sexuality. I think I’m more comfortable seeking out what works for me than I was when I was younger.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
I’m pretty comfortable. Now that’s not to say that sometimes I don’t feel undesired compared to thinner women at swing clubs, but once I’m in a sexual situation I’m really comfortable and not worried about what my body looks like.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Society wants to say that I’m fat and flabby and therefore unattractive and not sexual.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
Certainly, feeling comfortable with your body will help you feel comfortable with your sexuality and vice versa. Once you accept your body as a source of pleasure it’s hard to hate it so much.

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January 15th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Pleasurists #12

geisha_stealyoursoul
Geisha by Steal Your Soul Photography

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #11? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #13? Submit it here before Sunday January 26th at 11:59pm PST. Note: there will be no Pleasurists next week, January 19th due to the editrix moving to Seattle. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to be part of the Best Sex Toy Reviewers List of 2008?

  • Nominate your favorite Sex Toy Reviewers! Deadline: January 25th at 11:59pm PST.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

  • Win a Pink Kink Kit! Deadline: January 26th, 2009
  • Win a Hot New Sex Toy! Deadline: February 1st.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Fun Factory Laya Spot by Thursday’s Child

  • I think I might finally understand all of the buzz surrounding the Laya Spot! I’m a fan of strong vibrators, and most of the battery powered vibrators just can’t compare to my go-to vibrator, the Hitachi Magic Wand. But this funny little vibrator is strong! Really strong. And quiet, too!

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

(more…)

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Organization: Pleasurists Lables: ,

January 12th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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