What I Don’t Need

At some point before I’ve talked about relationship needs, that is the needs of the relationship, but in the last few months something that has been extremely important for me to realize has been a different sort of relationship need, that is, a lack of need.
When I was younger a relationship or, more accurately, the [...]

March 6th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Spiraling Forward

Well, I’m officially moving back to Seattle. I have a one-way ticket for March 17th.
This seemed like an impossibility at the end of November, the end of the triad, and part of me is surprised at the way things turned out, yet I’m also not surprised.
I still feel guilty for the way things ended, [...]

February 24th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Death, Rebirth, and Submission

Clutched by notoca
When the triad first started we talked a lot about how it would change my relationship with Onyx. We had to get rid of the monogamous-type relationship we had developed over the years and move into an open polyamorous one and then also to incorporating Marla into the mix. I talked [...]

January 22nd, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Breathe and Let Go

via Squall Leonhartt cropped by me for use in this post
I feel his hand cover my mouth and know what is about to come. Taking a deep breath through my nose quickly before he pinches that shut, my eyes fly open to look into his as he looms above me. My hands are [...]

January 19th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Reflections and Refractions

Of all the pain and disaster of everything that has happened there have at least been some good things.
I have learned a lot, both about myself and about what I desire in another person. When forced to make a choice between Marla and Onyx I chose neither, and through that choice learned who was [...]

January 18th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Protected: More Honesty

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

January 18th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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If I Was Really Honest with Myself…

…what would I say?
This question has been running through my head over and over since everything happened in November. I’m still processing everything, but life must go on in the meantime as much as I want to pause it and analyze and figure things out before continuing I, unfortunately, do not have the ability [...]

January 8th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
4 Comments

Rediscoveries

Now that I am somewhat outside of the relationships that have consumed me and took over my life for the last eight or so months I find myself getting more in touch with my needs. I am glad to have so much alone time and time to focus on me as me rather than [...]

January 5th, 2010 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Home Sweet Heartache

Taken by me winter of 2007
Everything is worse in the single digit hours when she should be sleeping but her brain won’t turn off. She instead reminds herself of how frost crystals can look like diamonds shining in streetlights and marvels at how many stars she can see when there are no lights. [...]

December 14th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
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Rights and Responsibilities

I had never broken up with someone before, but now I’ve essentially had to do it twice in the span of a week or so. I feel like I don’t have the right to mourn or be sad because I was the one who said it’s over. In reality I know that is [...]

December 11th, 2009 by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
3 Comments
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