A thought crossed my mind when I read this: The fear also makes me feel selfish, because I have no problem with me having multiple partners, but when my partners show interest in each other my insecurities flare up… My situation’s different obviously. But this didn’t strike me as being rooted in selfishness at all. It feels like it comes from surety and lack of it. You know one of your relationships is not threatened by another. You’ve lived it, deeply. I may be wrong, but I don’t think you’ve lived through much of the reverse yet. I know well how much of my emotional learning has come from living through a reality that Gabe was sure of… it’s one thing for him to explain to me what it means for him to be poly. It’s another to have experienced and absorbed into my bones that he still wants me when he also has a girlfriend. Those moments where he “came back to me”, and that’s what it felt like… when he had been with her, and still wanted me, that was visceral learning that didn’t happen any other way. I learn it a little more each time. I know there’s significant differences in our situations, but on some level it seems similar. One kind of emotional knowledge about yourself may not automatically translate to emotional knowledge of somebody else.

Anyway, as always, thanks for talking so much about what you see and live.

Oooh and have fun meeting her! I’m excited for you!